Riders in the Sky

I´m in a field, in the passenger seat of a Toyota Hilux with the farmer, Gonzalez, offering herding support to two gauchos as they coral about seventy sheep. Gonzalez speaks almost no English, so I have no idea what we´re doing, but I´m happy to let it play out in front of me. As I get out of the car, I notice the horse-mounted gauchos are whistling, clicking, and doing very definite duck impersonations to move the sheep. With some further raspy quacking, we push flock down a dirt road and into a small pen. The sheep are then run back and forth. After each run, one of the gauchos reaches into the flock and pulls out a choice sheep by the tail. The rest of the mob runs as the gaucho pins the chosen sheep and ties up three of it´s legs. The hog tied sheep is left in place whilst the process is repeated five times. The five chosen sheep are unceremoniously loaded onto the back of the Toyota and later unloaded and released in small field by the house.

In the afternoon, the farmer´s son, Wilson, and I saddle up a couple of horses. My steed is not especially handsome, but remains proud in any case. Wilson doesn´t speak a lick of English, so I´m given no instruction on how to ride the horse. I´m just trying to copy him as much as possible. My horse riding experience is limited to childhood games that CJ would initiate. The game involved riding a sofa cushion around the living room to the sounds of The Apaches play the hits of The Shadows. I never bothered ask why the Apaches were necessary in that arrangement. Thankfully, I took a few riding tips from Princess, whilst I was emailing harrassment about her sugar-based diet. Despite those tips, my trusty steed immediatley walked me straight into a low hanging tree. After shaking off a few scratches and some leaves, I quickly got the hang of steering. I found horse riding to be fairly straightforward. We rounded up a couple of milking cows and herded them back to the farm. In another odd move, inside a small enclosed area, my horse decided to move up a few gears. It was at this point that I realised I´d not been given instruction on how to stop. Back on the boat, I had learned to read - like cycling, this was another skill that had fallen by the wayside. With that revived ability, I had thoroughly read a survivial guide, which coincidentally included sections on how to control out of control horses and camels. The trick is to stay calm, stay upright and steer the horse in circles until he gets bored or tired. Works like a charm.